Sorry for Thinking Irrationally

Thinking. It is a way of the cognitive analysis done by the brain. People have different kinds of thinking. We have different prerogatives and interpretations. By "we", I can say that all people including myself. Sometimes we step on others' foot, sometimes we put our feet in their shoes. But what do you think is better? 

Frankly, people were made to be different. To think more elevated than other creatures. God made us this way. In life, we need to use our brains. At times, we use this as an instrument for destroying things. Destroying lives. 

I know I am irrational. Sometimes I am unreasonable. People think I am a bragger. And I know I am. I don't wonder why I always lose friends. They don't accept me for being like that. I understand them for that reason. And I am really sorry if that's the case. I am really sorry if I am not the person you expected me to be. 

Levels. They are made to make order in this world. To bring superiority or inferiority to a being. If everything is superior, what would happen? If everyone has this and that, and everyone knows what everyone knows, how would we grow superior? Levels are identified within a certain process. Though some are exceptions to this. 

I am still foolish. I am aware. I am legendary for being a brag-mouth. I am aware, still. 

"A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger."

Things done by a person depends on his thinking. If he thinks he likes to do something either bad or good, reasons depend on the thinking as well. What he sees, hears, and feels are factors for how he might think. What he say or act is dependent upon how his brain or way of thinking reacts upon a certain situation. 

People know me for being philosophical, simply because I am really someone who will think for every possible answer a question could have. In that way they find me a brag-mouth, but it's kinda typical if you'd really know me. It's the normal me. I am harsh, with my words. I don't consider others' feelings. Because I am really straightforward. What I want to say, I say. What I want to do, I do. And I don't regret things I've done in the past. 

"The heart of the righteous weighs its answers."

One of the principal factors of influencing the mind is the heart. What we feel, we think. Sometimes what we feel is undefined by the mind but is supported by it anyway. INTELLIGENCE IS NEVER THE KEY TO THE RIGHT ANSWER. I'm still struggling to erase this in my brain. 

Faults in the past can never be corrected. It's just a matter of acceptance. And not tripping on the same bad rock over and over again. Changing ourselves for the better. Because the only rock we could dwell on is in God alone. So we'll never be shaken. 

So sorry for thinking irrationally,

Author Known :))

UNKNOWN

Actually after what I've been through, I dunno what I should blog about. It has been almost three days since I have blogged, and I haven't found anything in my brain to write about.

Feelings. Emotions. Sensitivity. Things we cannot teach our brain to do. Things we cannot fake to feel.

It's hard to imagine how life can be so dull with these things ruining the entire personality of a person. I mean, it's not really rainbows and pots of gold in the end. Forget about believing in fairy tales. Forget about concluding that life has a happy ending. Though sometimes it could possibly come true, but everyone should expect the worst. 

Who else hasn't been offended? Or hurt? In such a way, though the certainty of reality does not rely on the past or the future. It does rely on what we do today. Each day we live, we have different futures and it just depends on what we do today, not that we rely on yesterday. 

What I do now is really different from what I do yesterday. It's a matter of realizing and accepting things the way they should be. Things turn out differently when we don't expect them to be. And everything should stay a mystery. (Why am I rhyming?)

Things change and we forget about things and people. One moment they're important, and with a snap everything changes. Sometimes I wish I could just press CTRL + Z. To undo all those things, just to live with the good ones. Unfortunately, we couldn't. 

Some people are in a hurry to worry about things. But to say, I'm really in a hurry to be gone away. I mean if I could disappear into nothingness, I would. With all those failures and mistakes I made, you won't think I'm one to keep. It's just embarrassing to let others fall for you with the wrong decisions you made. It's just that, in all possible fairness, I could say life is fairly fair. Man never really accepts reality that is why they say it's unfair. 

Today I'm seeing life as a new division of what multiplication is. Life is a difference of what the sum of the whole is. Mathematically equating life with humanity just makes sense, it's up to you to decipher what I coded or what formula I made. 

Seriously,

Author Known

WHAT IS YOUR GREATEST QUESTION IN LIFE?

Yesterday, I was really impressed by how my blog moved people. I mean not literally moving them from one place to another but the instance of making them rethink their opinions about life. I have written in my last blog that I see life as an examination. So here, I just want to tackle some of the queries this life may bring to us. I hope you'll understand my thoughts right now because I'm kind of irrational at this moment(and forth, I think). More irrational than usual. 

Life is an examination. It's just that in school we learn first before we take the test. In reality, we take the test then we learn. The irony in this simple prerogative is much more obscure when we try to comprehend it. 

What is my greatest question in life? Someone asked me this yesterday, and I think I should have answered that there are many but I am not sure where to start it. 

Some of my questions are..

1.When will I die?

2. Why did I ever exist in this world?

3. Am I really worthy to be living?

4. Will I ever find my true love?

5. Would I ever be successful?

6. Which is worse? Failing or never trying?

7. Would you rather be a worried genius or a joyful simpleton?

8. If we learn from our mistakes, why are we always afraid of making it?

9. Am I making my own decisions or do I let others make them for me?

10. Why do I ask these questions?

I'm going to answer or if I can't, I will be writing my possible explanations for my questions from question 10 to 1. I just like to answer examinations like this, because I am very fond of taking it backwards. 

10. We ask questions for two reasons. The first reason is that we truly don't know the answer. The other way around is that we know the answer and we just couldn't accept it or we just like to reiterate the answer. I just don't know why I'm very curious about life. It has been a very broad subject to me and I seem to find a lot of thoughts in my brain about this phenomena that happen within this planet. Maybe I am asking these questions because of both reasons. I'm always caught up in the middle whenever I am not sure about the things I'm saying. Like now.

9. I'm more of a dependent person. I am the perfect illusion of someone who is very influential and yet I can't seem to find the words or decisions to make. I'm guessing which options are available because I can't seem to blame others for my mistakes, though.

8. Maybe because we don't want learning. Sometimes we commit the same mistakes over and over because we don't learn. Sometimes, we are afraid of making mistakes because of the possible consequences it may bring. 

7. Thinking for this question makes me waste a lot of time, seriously. My answer would be somewhere in the middle. I wouldn't like to be anything like a simpleton but sometimes I wish I was like it because of, if I don't know much about things I wouldn't be hurt. So I want to be in the middle. I don't want answering these types of debatable questions because I know I have an argument for each of the sides.

6. I guess the obvious answer would be never trying. It's worse than failing. Let's put it this way. How will you know the answer if you won't ask first? I mean, rejection is there but chances only come once every blue moon. You know what I mean. 

From question number five through one, I dunno the answers. I guess, these are all I've come up with. So bear with my irrationality. LOL.

Seriously,

JAM/AUTHOR KNOWN 

WHAT I THINK ABOUT LIFE

I want the world to know what I think life is. Life is a mere possibility of the consensus of the truth. It is continuously recording wrongs and lies. Forgetting the truth. Letting out fragments but never the whole. Life is existence. But what if a person loses the will to live? Would that be counted as existence as well? Even if it's just the physique that is visibly deteriorating?

Life defines living. It begins with birth and ends with death. It is the span of counting your breathing, pulses, and heartbeats. It results to faltering responses or how a person does when he lives. It is where you can do what you want to do, whatever it is just to occupy the time until you're dead. 


Life is a battle. Through the steps of life, we need to train. From birth until before death, we experience victories and downfalls. Mistakes are our antagonists. They make life hard. It isn't easy as it sounds and it portrays a role of someone who never lets you win. Conquering these kind of stuff makes us stronger and wiser. Sometimes we bleed, we become wounded. Sometimes these scars wouldn't heal. Its only eminence is for us to remember the lapses of the war. It accounts the aftermath or remark that we shouldn't let others wound us again with that same spot. 


Life is a race. On your mark, get set, GO! That's what we always hear. Those words can be something like, "You are now born in this planet, now go forth and win your race." When we were little we always stumble, we can't stand on our own. We often fall, we often get hurt. As life goes by, it doesn't change that conception. It becomes an irony of the differences that we make and how we make it. The turning point of existence defines how a person recovers after he fell down or stumble. Sometimes, we take a rest and estimate the time to catch up with others. Sometimes we don't. Sometimes we stand up, resume the race like nothing happened. Sometimes we just need to be with others to keep ourselves from finishing the race. It is within someone's preference to complete through the finish line. I think it is more of finishing the race, and when you look back, you can say that you have done a great job and didn't stop after all those things that make the race uneasy.


Life is an examination. Only it is the other way. When we go to school, first, we learn, then we take the exam. With life, we first take the tests, and then we learn. It is quite the contrariness of this phenomena that take place in our lives. Tests are really in different ways. Sometimes it is a multiple choice, wherein we have many options but hard of it is taking risks if we don't know the right decision to make. Sometimes it is a matching type. You make your own analysis of things that go this way and that way, or much of the other. Sometimes it is an essay where you depend mainly on your own analysis, reasoning, or philosophy for a situation. One thing that I really think the type of questions I am facing with my life is IDENTIFICATION. When I know the answer I could always carry on to the next query. But when I don't know a thing about the question, I just hang in there making myself dwell on that problem forever. Sometimes I feel like answering a math equation whereas I could only solve it when I know(or cheat, just kidding, I don't do this one) the formula for it. Do you think there is a perfect formulation for life? I think there is, but no one knows. It is more of an induction of the derived formulas to solve the whole problem of life.


Life is a series of different roller coaster rides. Through twists and turns, ups and downs, I dunno how crazy my stomach will turn every time I'll ride it. I may have puked a thousand times but I know I've got to ride to get to the next phase. Every single would not leave any mark of predicament of where you would turn, where you would scream, where you would cry, where you would be at the top or bottom, and where you would go. 


So will you be my seatmate, in this roller coaster ride I'm in?


Yours,
Author Known, :))  

MY STRENGTHS

So this would simply be the continuation of my last post, just that it's kind of a contrast. I just want to let you know my strengths, I'm not trying to boast or something, I just want people to know, what and where I'm good at.

First things first. This isn't much of a secret, as far as everyone who knows me knows. I'm really a VERBOSE or wordy person. I am good with words, I mean like when you give me a set of words, I can make it a poem or a rhyming line. I like being like this. It is much of my advantage, because I feel like a grammar freak or something even if I am not really. Maybe I was like this because I find it amusing to read books, yeah, really, a lot of them. I can read two novels a day if I want to. And normally I read three books at a time. When I get bored from the first one, I switch to the next, and the next as the cycle goes on. 

I am good with academics. I just don't find it interesting to be like someone who is at the top. I don't like showing off. I like being at the bottom and it's just a matter of evaluating what you truly understand from the instructor or teacher. So don't review, lol :)) 

They say I'm a good speaker. Maybe it's just because I'm good with writing, it matches the deal as it is. One with the other seems a stronger eminence.

I am patient. Some say I'm not. It's just that they define this one in my temperament aspect. But I am really patient, with small things people don't really realize are of significance. 

I am good with playing the guitar. And I think I am legendary for self studying this instrument by myself. I wouldn't have the bragging rights of composing the graduation song for our batch if I'm not really that engaged with music. 

I am not feeling really verbose today because I had a migraine attack, that's why I'll end this one here. So frail, I hope you understand.

Seriously,

Author Known

MY WEAKNESSES

I've got this homework in English class that I have to state my weakness or weaknesses and how I deal with it. So I'll just let you know a fragment of me by reading this. And this is kind of intervening with my own personality as well as letting you know my weakest points as a human being. 

I'm really afraid of being REJECTED. Yes, the first spot goes to REJECTION!! I just don't like being rejected. I get that feeling when people reject my help or opinion, I feel really alone, wrong, disintegrated, and all. All I want to do is help. All I want you to know are how and what I think about the situation. I just don't like being brushed off in all possible rudeness. When I get rejected, I just let the situation be, like nothing really happened. I usually don't speak much about decisions and opinions because I fear that I would get rejected again. And the worst part of it is lying to myself that I should have stood up for my own. But that's just how it's supposed to be. I don't have to say much, in that way I wouldn't face the pain of rejection itself.

Another weakness of mine is that I FIND IT HARD TO MAKE DECISIONS. If you would ask me what I'd like to eat, I would bounce the question off and ask it to you. I don't rely on my own instincts. I mean, my mind is really full of undecided options. I don't really deal with this weakness myself because, people who ask me anything about what or which I like, knows that they would choose for me. 

I AM VERY KIND. I don't know if this is a weakness, but I think it is. The thing is that I can't say no to favors from people who I think are my friends. I'm like giving what I can to make it possible to do the favor even if I can't fit it in my schedule. It's just I think even if I know that person just uses me, as long as I know that he or she is happy, I would do the favor even if it isn't possible. I'll make the impossible possible. 

So there you have it, I wrote my weaknesses so that you wouldn't be taking advantage or making me ineligible of the life I would like to have. 

Seriously,

Author Known, :))

BEFORE AND AFTER?

When I went home, uhm, just thirty minutes ago, the first thing I did was to check my reflection in the mirror. I saw myself, with you-know-my-usual-hair-blown-style, almost half-panda eye bags, slightly leaner and thinner body frame. There was something different. I was smiling, and I don't know why. Don't call me crazy, or maybe I am. But I think it's just a curve in my mouth that expresses everything that I want to be. 

I realized that things are not really happening because they are supposed to be happening. Nothing is pure coincidence, as my theory states. An event can never be simultaneously inclined or related to another without any reason or precision. 

I was born of a Christian-family, at least my mom's side is. I have an aunt and an uncle who are pastors, my grandparents were the pioneer people who pushed to build our church, my mom's also a leader in the church. I, too, am a starting leader of it. 

For almost eleven years of being a Christian, I've many downfalls, I've backslid , I was a fake one(many times), I've lived a worldly life. I mean if you'd compare me now and before, you might want to choose the "in between". 

I realized, I was really blessed, even if I was someone I was before. After all those hardships and tests God has given to me, I know those made me stronger. 

BEFORE:

I've been a problem child. I didn't like to be with people, loner type. Irrational(well, until now I am, but I'm controlling this one now). Ignorant. Selfish. 

My family has never been something like everyone has pictured out when they see me. I mean, they don't really know what hell I've been that I don't want to come home every time I have to. My dad's really verbosely battering everyone in here to be like robots, like he's the only one who is doing all the hardships and such. In return to that, I have lost respect to him, I mean, until now I do. He has tortured me with all the verbal abuse I could get, and it just makes sense that I ignore him every time he tries to call out my attention. Mom told me, that I should respect him no matter what, but yet I can say she's really strong because she endured all of that, much more that I get from him. She stayed to have that formality. He's always bragging that he's a good father, I mean what kind of doof is that, when I don't feel I have one? Oh yeah, I have one, who is also my mother. Everything is complicated, I don't go well with my brothers, I don't talk to them about anything. So I'm just alone, making friends with my books and things that divert me to another world other than this. 

I WAS ANGRY WITH THE WORLD. 

I've tried to kill myself several times. Just to say I won't exist here. 

NOW:

You won't see any mark of my failures and troubles. I'm a very refined "someone" now. Back from being a nobody, I always thought about myself, just myself. If I'd be given a chance to rewind my life, I think I'll pass that opportunity. With all those U-turns and twists along the way, I always find my way back somewhere, and not just anywhere. My life before was a ruse. A trick. Because I felt like nothing. Now, I've been someone. I was saved, I was washed. Again. I am rekindled. I am taking baby steps about all these things that I am striving to be out of. I just feel filled. I have found a purpose to make myself useful in this planet. 

Now I'm seeing things perfectly imperfect. God has made me realize how much I wanted to be someone living for Him. His love has made me somehow complete, even with all these things. 

I'm working out with my brothers, I mean, now I talk to them more often. I try to listen to my mom whenever I have to. And I just ignore my dad, so I will not be led into any temptations of answering back to him. I'm making myself see things more clearly now. 

I hope I'll find deeper devotion with God now.

Just sayin',

Author Known, :))