The Failing Process

The irrationality of a person depends upon a situation and how he reacts on it. This irrationality is what often leads to mistakes, failures, and downfalls at most. The instinctive method depends on your stimuli. 

When we fail, we learn. But when we trip on the same rock for the same reason for many times, that's what we call stupidity. If you don't learn the second time or the worst nth time, from falling, it means that you didn't fall hard enough. You weren't drenched in the pain that you were supposed to. That's why you keep committing the same mistake. 

I don't like failing. It's like life is rejecting my innermost desire to live in this world. That's what I hate the most. The only thing I fear. Because, I am afraid of getting hurt. My threshold of pain isn't that acceptable as you may know. I am weak. I am emotional. I think there's nothing wrong being like that, because I am a human. FLAWED AT IT'S PERFECT IMPERFECTION. 

I don't go into battles I can't win. That's what I tell myself. Being strong doesn't require much. It's all in the mind. 

The reason why I became like this. 

I was always compared with my younger brother. We're like the mortal competitors on a gladiator arena. Whereas, I am the one losing because no one likes me. I was the bad-looking, no-tune in singing, stick drawing, dumb. My philosophy came from this. That, in order for me to win the battle, I don't need to counterattack his techniques. I don't have to fight within the limits I know I won't succeed. I just have to find ways I am good at. So that he will never imagine how weak I am even if I am. 

I was always the good. I never grew to be better. Because I think that was the only reason I can always treat my brother well. To be not as good at him within things I know he will be better with. He's talented. He improves because he doesn't know how better I'll be when I get serious in this battle. Sometimes, in life, you don't need to know everything. So that you never have to be hurt. I'm also talented, obviously, we're from the same genes, right? But I chose to be a wallflower. Never to be heard or seen. Just in the background, supporting. 

In life, you need to sacrifice things to make others happy. And I chose giving up those things to make my life miserable, haha joke! I chose to be the vine that holds the leaves together. I realized that it's kind of awkward to use these metaphors I know I am using profoundly. Because when you are the vine, you make others stay together. As for the leaves I am keeping, I hope you are making your part of staying within my parameters. 

I don't know people who steps on the failing process because I'm not buying them.

Mentally Irrational,

Author Known :))